I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
