The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
