paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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