These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
