i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
