How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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