I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
