Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
