Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
