did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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