just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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