dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
