Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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