she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
