**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
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