all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
