The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
