great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
