You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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