I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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