oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
