Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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