I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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