if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
now i know why i became what i already was.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
