How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
