Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
