He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
