South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
