ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
