i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize