Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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