Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
