It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
