omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
