whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
