Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
