I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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