ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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