I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
