theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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