her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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