Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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