I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
