I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
