Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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