I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
