This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
