How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
