i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
