don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
