it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Two words: blizzard sex
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
