can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
