So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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