The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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