I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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