I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
