I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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