Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
