At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
