cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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